Friday, May 20, 2011

Pi is not the only constant

I let out a chuckle when I hear certain words, i.e. ‘fart’ and ‘wedgie’. I cringe when I hear other words like ‘gimp’ or ‘retard’. And when I hear the word ‘crater’ I think of the moon. I also imagine our orbiting partner in space when I hear the words ‘pole dancing’ and ‘cheeseburger’. That may sound crazy now, but someday that may change.

So why risk exposing these thoughts as a little wacky today? I do so as I consider my studied (albeit subjective) knowledge of mankind and a sense that if we ever colonize the moon, a strip club, ala a multi-location FlashDancers type, will set up shop instantly and simultaneously alongside a fast food joint, ala a McDonald’s type. Given that pre-existing viewpoint, my only surprise regarding the extensive array of adult videos discovered among the confiscated items in the compound of Osama bin Laden was that it was reported as shocking by many in the media.

Beyond any misguided flabbergast, there may also be a lesson here that can be applied when sizing up the latest foe. Or perhaps even two lessons, in that one person’s pornography may be another’s art.

History tells us that since way back in time sexually revealing material has been a constant focal point.

Archaeologist’s put a time stamp of about 35,000 years ago on sexually explicit stone carvings that were found in 2009. The Secret Museum in Naples is stocked well with graphic sculpture from the Roman Empire. And let’s not forget how quickly Stag films emerged after the introduction of motion pictures in the early 1900’s.

The ubiquitous sexual content on the web is all just a progression from the first desktop boot up. Way back in the early 1980’s, while working on Madison Avenue, I remember when the company I worked for initially set up a DOS based system and placed a monitor at everyone’s location. Within hours, interoffice messages of a remarkably uninhibited nature were electronically sent between colleagues with about the same frequency that sixth graders passed paper notes during class in the 60’s. All as a way to flirt, excite, arouse and titillate coworkers that were alienated down the hall and holed up in a trap of cubicles.

Even just the day after the recent Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, it was reported that a proposal was sent by Vivid Entertainment to Pippa Middleton for a starring role in an adult film.

Why not use this knowledge of a constant that, contrary to rhetoric, spans true over religious, cultural, and political lines to our benefit? Hold the bombers, the warships, the missiles and give the Marines some rest. The first order of managing a conflict should involve air-lifting large quantities of the most top rated erotica available. Then rain it down from the sky along all the strategic hot spots. Name it: Operation Diffusion by Distraction.

Of course Congress would never approve of such folly. We will surely continue to fund the opposing constant and spend millions and billions and trillions of dollars on the most expensive and technologically advanced machines of destruction that we can imagine.

But if we live past the Doomsday, predicted by some to be tomorrow, the folly of today’s thought has only to await the future. And a time when surely one day our kin will inhabit and bask in the glow of the moon while placing orders for a burger and a lap dance. While on the dark side a war will be surging over whose God, creeds and morality should rule over the most prized craters of all.

© 2011 Christopher’s Views


  1. Oh, yes, I couldn't agree with you more and no one says it better than you. Definitely made my evening -- I'm not the lone, oddball after all! Hope you have a great weekend, Christopher! Enjoy!


  2. great weekend, professor!

    Warm Aloha from Waikiki

    Comfort Spiral




  3. I'm still here, so either I'm not among the chosen few or the whole thing was a damp squib. Do you know, there was no mention of doomsday at all
    round here; irreligious lot, the British!

    Raining pornography is not a bad idea at all, you need two hands, after all, one to hold the picture. You'd have to put the gun down, wouldn't you. Or so I'm told, anyway.

    One more thought I've just had: one man's pornography is another man's depiction of a fertility rite.

  4. thanks for the visit
    glad I made you laugh

    Happy Post Doomsday

  5. LOL! Weapons of mass distraction are not such a bad idea, but not in the form of pornography, in my opinion... Maybe in the form of blow-up dolls - both male and female - or in the form of radios playing elevator music and other annoying sounds?

  6. True wit, Christopher - and a very sane persepctive too. Nothing wacky about it! Got a laugh out of your Madison Avenue story - seems there's just no stopping humans from being human.
    Nice to see you back!

  7. stag films
    and sixth graders
    all in one post
    good reading

  8. Christopher, I'm not sure which blog you commented about your father...I think Michaels
    anyway...if you ever write that book....I want one of the first copies
    Your father sounds like he was one awesome man